Que Sera Sera!

So, it’s already March. I can’t believe how fast time is going by. I’m finally finished with school! It’s bittersweet really. I’m done with all my classes – both as a student and as a teacher. I still have to write and defend my Master’s thesis and take the state exam before I can graduate. I’ll do that either in June or in January (probably in January – there’s no reason to rush and get it done by June). I’m already on my maternity leave, which in this country usually lasts from 1 – 3 years! I’m sad to not be teaching anymore. I really hope that I’m able to work part time next year. The thought of staying cooped up at home all day long with a baby scares me a lot. I highly admire stay at home moms, but I don’t think I could do it. I get really depressed if I’m alone for a long time and if I feel like I’m not contributing to society in anyway. I mean, I know raising a good well-rounded child helps society tremendously, but I think if I stay home all the time I will go crazy which in turn will effect my child and probably not in the “good well-rounded” way. I’m thinking of giving private English lessons from home next year and/or volunteering more, but making some money would be nice.

The Future

So, after much research, discussion and prayer, Nick and I have decided to stay in Prague for another year. The plan now is for Nick to work next year and apply for a Fulbright scholarship. Hopefully, if he gets the scholarship, he and I will move back to America in the summer of 2010 for at least one year, but hopefully longer. A Fulbright scholarship is a fantastic scholarship that pays not only for a year of study in America, but also for your health insurance and living! If Nick gets this scholarship it will make moving back to America a piece of heavenly cake. Nick really wants to study in the U.S. and get his PhD. there in Non-profit Management or City Planning or something along those lines. He’s really interested in a program in Phoenix. I’m still crossing my fingers and searching the web for an equally interesting program in California. Still, Phoenix isn’t so bad – it’s only a 4-hour drive from Redlands. If he doesn’t get the Fulbright scholarship he will still apply to schools in the U.S. and for other scholarships, it will just be a bit more difficult and costly. We thought about trying to move back to the U.S. this summer, but with the economy the way it is, it seems like a really stupid decision. What if we aren’t able to find jobs? What if we can’t get health insurance? At least here we have health insurance and we benefit from the social welfare system. Plus, Nick gets job offers here almost weekly. So, why shoot ourselves in the feet just for some sunshine, Mexican food and American hospitality? Um, on second thought maybe we made a bad decision…

I’m glad and sad that we are staying here for another year. On one hand we are well established here. We have a great group of friends and thus a lot of support here. I know if we moved someplace new we would probably be really isolated at first, especially with a little baby to take care of. In Prague we have a great support system and babysitters☺ When we do leave Prague it’s going to be really hard to say goodbye to everyone, even if we only leave for a year.

On the other hand, it’s still really hard for me to live here. I miss California so incredibly much. I miss my family a lot and I miss old friends. I miss American food tremendously and of course, I miss the ocean! I miss the sunshine and the ease of American life. I miss how friendly people are back home and I miss living in a place that is both logical and efficient most of the time. I’ve lived in Prague for 4 ½ years and I’m still not used to life here. Part of me never wants to get used to it. I don’t mean to say that life in the Czech Republic is worse or that Czechs are bad people – I know for sure that neither is true! It’s just that I’m a foreigner here and I always will be and life here will always be foreign for me. And being a foreigner gets exhausting.

So, we will stay for at least one more year. It’s bittersweet as all things are. I’m trying to trust in God and remember why I came here in the first place – not for myself, but to love and serve others. It isn’t easy. I’d much rather be selfish and just live for myself, but I know it’s not the way and I selfishly I know it will never make me happy. Therefore, I’m trying to be optimistic about next year. Who knows what God has in store for us and what the future will hold? I’m finding it’s best to just take one day at a time and be thankful for all of the many blessings in my life.

Life is really incredibly good right now. I love my husband so much and each day I love him even more. It’s really a beautiful time in our lives right now as we wait for the baby to come. I have a feeling that someday we will look back at this time in our lives with great fondness and call it ‘the good old days’. Nick is finishing up school as well and is working part time. Therefore, we both get to be home together quite a lot. Of course, we are living from paycheck to paycheck, but we are able to survive and we just laugh at how little money we have. I'm literally eating us out of house and home;) Well, most of our money goes to food anyhow. Life is peaceful and really isn’t that busy, I know it will become much busier. And having Mia is absolutely wonderful! She is so adorable and so much fun. It’s impossible to be in a bad mood when she is around. We get to walk her every day in the beautiful valley behind our flat and she is so well behaved. She’s finally 99% house broken, hip hip hooray! We have good friends who are so supportive and encouraging! We also have finally found a church that we love and are slowly becoming part of its community. Nick plays in the worship band almost every Sunday and I’m a lector. It’s an English speaking catholic church. The Priest is an older man from Boston (at least we think from his accent). He looks like the bald guy on Star Trek☺ He is so wise and pretty liberal – although he doesn’t come right out and say it. He's just very smart, easy going and open minded which us cafeteria Catholics appreciate. We’ve been going to St. Thomas almost every Sunday since this summer. It’s really nice to go to the same church consistently. Father William says we should think of church as a hospital where we go to get healed since we are all sick with our constant struggle with sin. It’s the most beautiful hospital of I’ve ever been to with it’s high ceilings and incredible art. It’s nearly 800 years old!

Of course life isn’t perfect and I don’t mean to gloat at all, it’s just pretty damn good and I’m so thankful for that! Now, just a few more weeks until we finally get to meet the little person swimming inside my belly☺ I can’t wait!! I’m so looking forward to holding our baby for the first time. I better stop or I’ll start crying. Oh silly hormones, you make such a sappy girl out of me!!

With that I will end my long entry with a long ‘top 10’ list since many people have been asking about how the pregnancy is going. So, I present to you…

The top 10 + 9 ways you know you are in your 3rd trimester of pregnancy

19. You sleep for about an hour on your right side, wake up numb and aching and turn on to your left side for another hour, again wake up numb and aching on that side, then repeat back to your right side like a pancake cooking all night long.

18. It’s getting really difficult to stand up and also to sit back down again. Thus, you know exactly what life will be like at 80. Also, going to church (well, catholic church anyway) is now truly a marathon of standing, sitting and kneeling.

17. You’re sad because your child is already rebelling against you and it’s not even a teenager yet! Who knew an infant could kick so hard?

16. You accidentally rip out the zipper from your jacket due to your massive belly. After a moment of panic wondering how you’ll survive the cold with no jacket, you realize you can fit into your husband’s jacket, it’s just really unattractive – which is the exact adjective you’ve been trying to distance your blimpish pregnant body from.

15. The gigantic free red shirt you got when you ran the marathon finally fits perfectly. The only downside is that you look like a gigantic tomato in it.

14. You waddle like a tall long-legged duck everywhere you go.

13. You are thankful that the doctor weighs you in kilos and not pounds and you try not to let yourself convert the kilos into pounds because you have definitely never weighed this much before in your life.

12. The thought of eating salad is almost repulsive and all you want all the time are chocolate pastries and ice cream.

11. As much as you hate being pregnant you are terrified of not being pregnant because that means having to somehow get this large kicking bowling ball out of your body through a very small hole. You’ve managed to ignore this fact for most of the pregnancy, but now Doctors, family, friends and a husband are insisting that you plan for it.

10. You cry tears of joy and/or tears of sadness almost daily.

9. You think your husband is a saint because he does the dishes everyday. Of course, he does this partly because you convinced him that pregnant women shouldn’t wash dishes – its bad for the baby.

8. The dog is already getting irritated and jealous because she no longer fits on your lap like she used to. In fact, you no longer have a lap.

7. You never realized what a pain in the ass being pregnant is – literally. Google image “sciatic nerve” and “pregnancy” It’s absolute hell.

6. Even though you are hungry all the time, you can’t eat very much in one sitting because there’s no space for the food to go. Therefore, you always have either severe hunger or severe heartburn and sometimes both.

5. You keep forgetting your keys in the door when you come home and then spend forever searching for them when you are getting ready to leave again. In fact, pregnancy hormones make you forgetful!! As if pregnant women didn’t suffer enough, now we are even more forgetful than normal! Silly hormones, memory tricks are for old people!

4. You can no longer take deep breaths and if you try to you get a sharp kick in the lungs. Come on now, who’s the boss?

3. You have acne worse than you did in high school due to the massive amounts of hormones racing through your body. What was all that BS about pregnant women having a natural glow? I hate those women.

2. You still haven’t had a single dream about your baby (and neither has your husband) even though all the books say, “You’re probably dreaming about your bundle of joy every night!” What garbage! Although, you also realize you probably aren’t dreaming about the baby because you are repressing the reality of its existence. Yeah, you’re totally mature enough to be a parent…

And the number 1 way you know you are in your 3rd Trimester…

1. Every time you cry a little at the end of your prenatal exercise video when Erin O’Brien whispers, “We are so lucky!” Even though you know part of it just has to do with the endorphins mixing with the hormones, you can’t help but wonder how you could ever complain so much and you swear you will stop. After all, you are so lucky☺