"Don't Let Me Down"

I feel like I’m in love for the first time, but it’s not a romantic love – it’s a different kind. It’s a love that lasts forever. It’s a love that has no past. I’m absolutely, positively in love with my daughter.

I always thought having a baby would be horrible. You don’t get to sleep, you have this small creature that’s always crying and pooping and you have to take full responsibility for it. When people say having a baby is hard I always assumed that this is the stuff they are talking about. I mean really, who wants to change a poopy diaper or have your own breast milk vomited up all over you or have a baby cry at the top of her lungs for an hour and nothing you do calms her down? All of that stuff sounds horrible! But, the truth is, is that that stuff in and of itself doesn’t bother me at all. Seriously, not at all! The part that is difficult is that suddenly I have this enormous overwhelming desire to do everything I can for my little baby. I want to protect her and make her happy. The horribly difficult part is that I’m not God and I can’t protect her or make her happy 100% of the time. For me the hard part about being a parent is that sometimes my baby cries and all I want is for her to stop – not because its annoying but because I love her so much I can’t stand to see her so incredibly distressed. When she spits up or even throws up all over me I’m not upset because I’m dirty, I’m upset because I don’t know what’s wrong with her and I want her to be healthy and feel good. Sure, I’m exhausted and I don’t always remember to brush my teeth. I nearly took Mia on a walk yesterday and realized at the very last moment that I wasn’t wearing a shirt – just my bra! But my exhaustion doesn’t matter, because only she does.

Being a mom is the greatest thing I think I’ve ever experienced. It’s so huge that I know it still hasn’t hit me. I just can’t believe that my husband and I created this beautiful little creature. It’s so basic and fundamental, yet so incredible and unbelievable! We are so lucky. I love my daughter so much it hurts.

Yesterday, I was home alone and she started crying uncontrollably. Nothing I did consoled her. She wasn’t hungry, she didn’t want to lie down or go on a walk – nothing! It was horrible and her cries kept getting louder and louder. Finally, I took her in the living room and turned on the stereo. The Forrest Gump soundtrack was in, so I hit play and turned the music up loud. I figured at the very least I could try and save my own sanity by drowning out her cries a bit. But, then something strange happened. As soon as the music started she stopped screaming. I held her in my arms and watched in amazement as she calmed down immediately and smiled at me! I couldn’t believe it. And then it hit me, she is my little girl – all she wanted was to listen to some good music. By the end of the first song she was peacefully sleeping in my arms and I was the one crying uncontrollably. I rocked her in my arms and sang the entire soundtrack to her with tears streaming down my face as the sun was setting. It was one of the most magical moments I’ve ever experienced.

Don’t worry, I promise I won’t become one of those mom’s who lives for their child or who sacrifices their marriage and/or social life for their child. However, I’m sure I will be over-protective – I’ll try not to be, but I already feel sick to my stomach when I think of her dating one day. Who knows – her future is so bright, anything is possible. I can’t wait to see where her life leads her, but I’m glad it will take a long time before it begins to lead her away☺