My Motherhood

Being a mom is kind of like being hung-over all the time, only without being drunk the night before. I basically go about my day in a kind of cloudy haze getting things partially finished or partially started because either a wee munchkin interupts me somehow – usually with crying, screaming, puking, etc and/or I completely forget what I’m doing and/or I get distracted. Laundry gets halfway hung up, food gets lost, I can’t remember if I wrote the email I was planning on writing or if I just dreamed that I had written it. A lot of this happened under the influence of pregnancy as well, so I’m pretty used to it.

For me the hardest part of being a mom is the constant feeding. My nickname around the house has become “the diner”. “The diner” is apparently open for business 24/7 for Isabella and boy does she take advantage of that! She gets hungry about every 1 ½ - 2 hours and it usually takes almost an hour to feed her because she falls in and out of sleep while eating and its impossible to keep her awake or she eats too fast and has to be burped constantly. I’ve finally given up on trying to feed her faster – when I try it only seems to make matters worse. However, this feeding schedule only gives me a small window of opportunity to get anything done, especially since things like burping the Iz and changing her diaper are part of that tiny opportune window. The Doctor said that she’s just going through a “growing phase”. Funny how this phase has been going on since the day she was born. People have said that I should try to make her wait longer between feedings, but that’s really impossible. She screams like bloody murder when she’s hungry. I’ve never heard another human scream as loudly and as painfully as she does. She takes the term “Drama Queen!” to a whole new level. Personally, I think she will be an actress when she grows up.

Feeding her isn’t bad at all. I actually kind of enjoy it, except it makes me hungry all the time. I’ve turned to Scrubs to distract me during her feedings. I can’t believe I never watched this show before! Yeah, it’s silly, but I like it. I’ve successfully completed seasons 1 & 2 and am currently halfway through 3 thanks to my friend Ben for lending me his DVDs and surfthechannel.com (for the DVDs he is missing). I know I should be reading and working on my thesis during this time, but turning my mind off is so much better.
Luckily, she often sleeps for 3 whole hours at a time at night. Not always, but it’s great when she does. She sleeps in bed with us, which is a very controversial subject, but at this point I can’t imagine not having her sleep with us. It would be awful to have to physically get up in the middle of the night to feed her every time she wakes up. Instead I just kind of scoot over before she starts crying and everyone is happy. I know a lot of people say not to do this because then your child will never leave your bed, but I figure that will be a problem anyway. Both Nick and I LOVED sleeping with our parents in their bed and neither one of us started out life sleeping in the same bed as our parents like Isabella is doing now, we both had to sleep separately. So, we figure we’ll jump that hurdle if and when we come to it.

Okay, I change my mind, the worst part about being a mom is the hours long crying marathon that occur basically every night. It’s horrible. I now fully understand the definition of “colicky”. It’s absolutely terrible. She screams and screams in agonizing pain and nothing we do comfort her. I’m sure that part of it is acid reflux that she has and that I’ve been trying to tackle with my own diet and keeping her up right and so on, but still. She’s a little angel most of the day, but then at night my ears and heart bleed in pain as she screams and screams. They say colicky babies turn out to be incredibly smart, thus I’m pretty sure we have some kind of Einstein on our hands. I mean really, I’m just waiting for the neighbors to call the police because it sounds like we terrorize her for hours each night. This kid must be a genius.

The Darling Trust

I'm planning on blogging some more, but every time I start something (or rather someone) stops me. Anyhow, until then I want you to check out The Darling Trust. Darling is a community in South Africa where my dear friend Lara lives and works. She is part of the Darling Trust - which is a Trust that is working to help their community by teaching and empowering the people through education and teaching them various skills. Check it out! Here is their website:

http://www.thedarlingtrust.org/index.htm

You can also follow their blog here:

http://thedarlingtrust.blogspot.com/

By following their blog and also writing about their blog in yours you can help The Darling Trust gain recognition and hopefully help further their finances! So, be a darling and read their blog for more information:)

This blog post is part of Zemanta's "Blogging For a Cause" campaign to raise awareness and funds for worthy causes that bloggers care about.

"Don't Let Me Down"

I feel like I’m in love for the first time, but it’s not a romantic love – it’s a different kind. It’s a love that lasts forever. It’s a love that has no past. I’m absolutely, positively in love with my daughter.

I always thought having a baby would be horrible. You don’t get to sleep, you have this small creature that’s always crying and pooping and you have to take full responsibility for it. When people say having a baby is hard I always assumed that this is the stuff they are talking about. I mean really, who wants to change a poopy diaper or have your own breast milk vomited up all over you or have a baby cry at the top of her lungs for an hour and nothing you do calms her down? All of that stuff sounds horrible! But, the truth is, is that that stuff in and of itself doesn’t bother me at all. Seriously, not at all! The part that is difficult is that suddenly I have this enormous overwhelming desire to do everything I can for my little baby. I want to protect her and make her happy. The horribly difficult part is that I’m not God and I can’t protect her or make her happy 100% of the time. For me the hard part about being a parent is that sometimes my baby cries and all I want is for her to stop – not because its annoying but because I love her so much I can’t stand to see her so incredibly distressed. When she spits up or even throws up all over me I’m not upset because I’m dirty, I’m upset because I don’t know what’s wrong with her and I want her to be healthy and feel good. Sure, I’m exhausted and I don’t always remember to brush my teeth. I nearly took Mia on a walk yesterday and realized at the very last moment that I wasn’t wearing a shirt – just my bra! But my exhaustion doesn’t matter, because only she does.

Being a mom is the greatest thing I think I’ve ever experienced. It’s so huge that I know it still hasn’t hit me. I just can’t believe that my husband and I created this beautiful little creature. It’s so basic and fundamental, yet so incredible and unbelievable! We are so lucky. I love my daughter so much it hurts.

Yesterday, I was home alone and she started crying uncontrollably. Nothing I did consoled her. She wasn’t hungry, she didn’t want to lie down or go on a walk – nothing! It was horrible and her cries kept getting louder and louder. Finally, I took her in the living room and turned on the stereo. The Forrest Gump soundtrack was in, so I hit play and turned the music up loud. I figured at the very least I could try and save my own sanity by drowning out her cries a bit. But, then something strange happened. As soon as the music started she stopped screaming. I held her in my arms and watched in amazement as she calmed down immediately and smiled at me! I couldn’t believe it. And then it hit me, she is my little girl – all she wanted was to listen to some good music. By the end of the first song she was peacefully sleeping in my arms and I was the one crying uncontrollably. I rocked her in my arms and sang the entire soundtrack to her with tears streaming down my face as the sun was setting. It was one of the most magical moments I’ve ever experienced.

Don’t worry, I promise I won’t become one of those mom’s who lives for their child or who sacrifices their marriage and/or social life for their child. However, I’m sure I will be over-protective – I’ll try not to be, but I already feel sick to my stomach when I think of her dating one day. Who knows – her future is so bright, anything is possible. I can’t wait to see where her life leads her, but I’m glad it will take a long time before it begins to lead her away☺

Collapse of the Czech Government aka Makin' Whoopee

The Czech Republic basically has no government right now and no Prime Minister. It's horrible! For one this is really going to f-up their economy which is based largely on export/import because what investor will want to invest in an unstable country like this? Plus, who is working to solve the economic problem now? It's no longer the focus. The stupid petty differences of the MP's have taken the spotlight.

Furthermore, the Czech Republic holds the EU presidency right now. You would think they would have taken this into consideration and been a bit more responsible during this time. After all, they could help out their own country a ton if they wanted to while they hold the EU presidency - they get to set the agenda. Oh and not to mention the fact that it's simply embarrassing.

It's just so selfish and pathetic. I don't mean to just point fingers at the Czech government, I know my government is no knight in shining armor either and I'm sure if we had the same parliamentary system we'd see similar situations in America, but thankfully we have what I consider to be a much more rational democratic system (though even my husband argues with me about this). Still, the american government has been suffering from the same petty partisan parasite (in both parties) that is sucking the life out of... (how can I write this without becoming dramatic and partisan myself?)

What is the purpose of government?

The answer(s) to this question varies so dramatically that it can cause wars, it creates an extreme variety of political parties and it makes for great long debates amongst friends and enemies. What I've seen lately to be the answer to this question in both my own country and the Czech Republic is that the purpose of government is to put on a huge dramatic soap opera in which major partisanship is the main plot. Who knew that politicians could be such drama queens? I know that it has basically always been like this and pretty much every political party has waved their thespian flag at some point. I know that Mr. Smith's rarely exist in reality and even when he does he rarely go to Washington to try and serve the people. But still, am I being too much of an idealist to have assumed that in a time of global economic crisis politicians would put away their whoopee cushions and get down to business for the sake of their own families, the citizens they represent, their country's and simply for stability in a time of great instability?

People are really worried here in the Czech Republic that this unstable government may give the communists a good foothold to gain even more power than they already hold. There are rumors that a big bear in the east is already at work pulling strings - possibly even causing the collapse of the Czech government. Already Latvia and Hungary, two other EU countries, have suffered a similar fate to the Czech Republic. It only makes me wonder what will happen next? Chaos isn't normally a recipe for peace and prosperity, but for something thats quite the opposite. We can only hope that politicians and partisan party members begin to take their heads out of their asses and start thinking about the greater good instead of their own petty selfish well being. Unless, of course, problems really do fix themselves magically - then we can all gleefully stick our heads up our asses until this whole thing blows over - for some of us the view is probably a lot better up there anyways... If only I could believe that.

Que Sera Sera!

So, it’s already March. I can’t believe how fast time is going by. I’m finally finished with school! It’s bittersweet really. I’m done with all my classes – both as a student and as a teacher. I still have to write and defend my Master’s thesis and take the state exam before I can graduate. I’ll do that either in June or in January (probably in January – there’s no reason to rush and get it done by June). I’m already on my maternity leave, which in this country usually lasts from 1 – 3 years! I’m sad to not be teaching anymore. I really hope that I’m able to work part time next year. The thought of staying cooped up at home all day long with a baby scares me a lot. I highly admire stay at home moms, but I don’t think I could do it. I get really depressed if I’m alone for a long time and if I feel like I’m not contributing to society in anyway. I mean, I know raising a good well-rounded child helps society tremendously, but I think if I stay home all the time I will go crazy which in turn will effect my child and probably not in the “good well-rounded” way. I’m thinking of giving private English lessons from home next year and/or volunteering more, but making some money would be nice.

The Future

So, after much research, discussion and prayer, Nick and I have decided to stay in Prague for another year. The plan now is for Nick to work next year and apply for a Fulbright scholarship. Hopefully, if he gets the scholarship, he and I will move back to America in the summer of 2010 for at least one year, but hopefully longer. A Fulbright scholarship is a fantastic scholarship that pays not only for a year of study in America, but also for your health insurance and living! If Nick gets this scholarship it will make moving back to America a piece of heavenly cake. Nick really wants to study in the U.S. and get his PhD. there in Non-profit Management or City Planning or something along those lines. He’s really interested in a program in Phoenix. I’m still crossing my fingers and searching the web for an equally interesting program in California. Still, Phoenix isn’t so bad – it’s only a 4-hour drive from Redlands. If he doesn’t get the Fulbright scholarship he will still apply to schools in the U.S. and for other scholarships, it will just be a bit more difficult and costly. We thought about trying to move back to the U.S. this summer, but with the economy the way it is, it seems like a really stupid decision. What if we aren’t able to find jobs? What if we can’t get health insurance? At least here we have health insurance and we benefit from the social welfare system. Plus, Nick gets job offers here almost weekly. So, why shoot ourselves in the feet just for some sunshine, Mexican food and American hospitality? Um, on second thought maybe we made a bad decision…

I’m glad and sad that we are staying here for another year. On one hand we are well established here. We have a great group of friends and thus a lot of support here. I know if we moved someplace new we would probably be really isolated at first, especially with a little baby to take care of. In Prague we have a great support system and babysitters☺ When we do leave Prague it’s going to be really hard to say goodbye to everyone, even if we only leave for a year.

On the other hand, it’s still really hard for me to live here. I miss California so incredibly much. I miss my family a lot and I miss old friends. I miss American food tremendously and of course, I miss the ocean! I miss the sunshine and the ease of American life. I miss how friendly people are back home and I miss living in a place that is both logical and efficient most of the time. I’ve lived in Prague for 4 ½ years and I’m still not used to life here. Part of me never wants to get used to it. I don’t mean to say that life in the Czech Republic is worse or that Czechs are bad people – I know for sure that neither is true! It’s just that I’m a foreigner here and I always will be and life here will always be foreign for me. And being a foreigner gets exhausting.

So, we will stay for at least one more year. It’s bittersweet as all things are. I’m trying to trust in God and remember why I came here in the first place – not for myself, but to love and serve others. It isn’t easy. I’d much rather be selfish and just live for myself, but I know it’s not the way and I selfishly I know it will never make me happy. Therefore, I’m trying to be optimistic about next year. Who knows what God has in store for us and what the future will hold? I’m finding it’s best to just take one day at a time and be thankful for all of the many blessings in my life.

Life is really incredibly good right now. I love my husband so much and each day I love him even more. It’s really a beautiful time in our lives right now as we wait for the baby to come. I have a feeling that someday we will look back at this time in our lives with great fondness and call it ‘the good old days’. Nick is finishing up school as well and is working part time. Therefore, we both get to be home together quite a lot. Of course, we are living from paycheck to paycheck, but we are able to survive and we just laugh at how little money we have. I'm literally eating us out of house and home;) Well, most of our money goes to food anyhow. Life is peaceful and really isn’t that busy, I know it will become much busier. And having Mia is absolutely wonderful! She is so adorable and so much fun. It’s impossible to be in a bad mood when she is around. We get to walk her every day in the beautiful valley behind our flat and she is so well behaved. She’s finally 99% house broken, hip hip hooray! We have good friends who are so supportive and encouraging! We also have finally found a church that we love and are slowly becoming part of its community. Nick plays in the worship band almost every Sunday and I’m a lector. It’s an English speaking catholic church. The Priest is an older man from Boston (at least we think from his accent). He looks like the bald guy on Star Trek☺ He is so wise and pretty liberal – although he doesn’t come right out and say it. He's just very smart, easy going and open minded which us cafeteria Catholics appreciate. We’ve been going to St. Thomas almost every Sunday since this summer. It’s really nice to go to the same church consistently. Father William says we should think of church as a hospital where we go to get healed since we are all sick with our constant struggle with sin. It’s the most beautiful hospital of I’ve ever been to with it’s high ceilings and incredible art. It’s nearly 800 years old!

Of course life isn’t perfect and I don’t mean to gloat at all, it’s just pretty damn good and I’m so thankful for that! Now, just a few more weeks until we finally get to meet the little person swimming inside my belly☺ I can’t wait!! I’m so looking forward to holding our baby for the first time. I better stop or I’ll start crying. Oh silly hormones, you make such a sappy girl out of me!!

With that I will end my long entry with a long ‘top 10’ list since many people have been asking about how the pregnancy is going. So, I present to you…

The top 10 + 9 ways you know you are in your 3rd trimester of pregnancy

19. You sleep for about an hour on your right side, wake up numb and aching and turn on to your left side for another hour, again wake up numb and aching on that side, then repeat back to your right side like a pancake cooking all night long.

18. It’s getting really difficult to stand up and also to sit back down again. Thus, you know exactly what life will be like at 80. Also, going to church (well, catholic church anyway) is now truly a marathon of standing, sitting and kneeling.

17. You’re sad because your child is already rebelling against you and it’s not even a teenager yet! Who knew an infant could kick so hard?

16. You accidentally rip out the zipper from your jacket due to your massive belly. After a moment of panic wondering how you’ll survive the cold with no jacket, you realize you can fit into your husband’s jacket, it’s just really unattractive – which is the exact adjective you’ve been trying to distance your blimpish pregnant body from.

15. The gigantic free red shirt you got when you ran the marathon finally fits perfectly. The only downside is that you look like a gigantic tomato in it.

14. You waddle like a tall long-legged duck everywhere you go.

13. You are thankful that the doctor weighs you in kilos and not pounds and you try not to let yourself convert the kilos into pounds because you have definitely never weighed this much before in your life.

12. The thought of eating salad is almost repulsive and all you want all the time are chocolate pastries and ice cream.

11. As much as you hate being pregnant you are terrified of not being pregnant because that means having to somehow get this large kicking bowling ball out of your body through a very small hole. You’ve managed to ignore this fact for most of the pregnancy, but now Doctors, family, friends and a husband are insisting that you plan for it.

10. You cry tears of joy and/or tears of sadness almost daily.

9. You think your husband is a saint because he does the dishes everyday. Of course, he does this partly because you convinced him that pregnant women shouldn’t wash dishes – its bad for the baby.

8. The dog is already getting irritated and jealous because she no longer fits on your lap like she used to. In fact, you no longer have a lap.

7. You never realized what a pain in the ass being pregnant is – literally. Google image “sciatic nerve” and “pregnancy” It’s absolute hell.

6. Even though you are hungry all the time, you can’t eat very much in one sitting because there’s no space for the food to go. Therefore, you always have either severe hunger or severe heartburn and sometimes both.

5. You keep forgetting your keys in the door when you come home and then spend forever searching for them when you are getting ready to leave again. In fact, pregnancy hormones make you forgetful!! As if pregnant women didn’t suffer enough, now we are even more forgetful than normal! Silly hormones, memory tricks are for old people!

4. You can no longer take deep breaths and if you try to you get a sharp kick in the lungs. Come on now, who’s the boss?

3. You have acne worse than you did in high school due to the massive amounts of hormones racing through your body. What was all that BS about pregnant women having a natural glow? I hate those women.

2. You still haven’t had a single dream about your baby (and neither has your husband) even though all the books say, “You’re probably dreaming about your bundle of joy every night!” What garbage! Although, you also realize you probably aren’t dreaming about the baby because you are repressing the reality of its existence. Yeah, you’re totally mature enough to be a parent…

And the number 1 way you know you are in your 3rd Trimester…

1. Every time you cry a little at the end of your prenatal exercise video when Erin O’Brien whispers, “We are so lucky!” Even though you know part of it just has to do with the endorphins mixing with the hormones, you can’t help but wonder how you could ever complain so much and you swear you will stop. After all, you are so lucky☺

Please ignore the president...

Czech Leader Scorns EU Politics

So, embarrassing! Today Czech President Klaus made international headlines as he gave provocative speech at the European Parliament in which he accused the EU of being undemocratic and likened it to communism! I think Klaus is actually a bigger a-hole than Bush - who knew it was possible? Luckily he doesn't have nearly the power Bush had. 

Kiss and Tell

Complex clues in a kiss - BBC

"When you share a kiss with your lover on Valentine's Day, you may be revealing a lot more than you realise.

Locking lips not only stimulates our senses, it also gives us subtle clues about our suitability as mates, US scientists have found.

A man's saliva has a "cocktail of chemicals" hinting at his fertility and evolutionary fitness, they said at a conference in Chicago.

That may be why the first kiss is often the last - "the kiss of death"

 - BBC (Check out the rest of the article here)


First of all, how can they possibly be having trouble finding people to take part in this study?!? I mean seriously, what kind of a college are they conducting this at?!

Secondly, this reminds me of this one time a few months before I met my husband, I kissed this really good looking German guy I met at a bar in Russia. I was so turned off by the kiss that I just walked a way from him without any explanation. I always thought it was strange and felt kind of bad about it, but maybe his "saliva cocktail" was just repulsive to my senses;) or maybe I'd had too much russian vodka - or not enough. Anyhow, I'm glad that never worked out.