Dr. Drill-Baby-Drill

I apologize for the following grammatical mistakes, I'm too tired to edit this right now. Unfortunately, my story is a bit too late for halloween. Never-the-less, I find it terrifying! Sadly, it's all true. Enjoy...

“Open!” she said with a thick Czech accent. I obediently opened my mouth. I have always loved going to the dentist and getting my teeth cleaned. I had never really been to a dentist in the Czech Republic, I always go each time I return to the states, but I figured it couldn’t be that much different.

She started looking around with her little round mirror at the end of her metal dentistry tool, something nice and familiar. But then she started shaking her head. “No, its no good. You have not been to dentist long time, yes?” I was startled. “Yes, I have. I went to the dentist just last year.” She looked confused, so I tried again in Czech. “Ja jsem byla jenom minuly rok a moje zuby bylo dobry”

I said in my crappy Czech, hopefully getting the point across that I had gone to the dentist last year and my teeth were fine. In fact, I had been to the dentist two months earlier in the Cz and that dentist was very impressed with my healthy, white, american teeth. But, I had to go back and have a dentist sign my pregnancy booklet for my gynecologist to make sure everything was okay (it’s this booklet that like a million doctors have to sign after checking me, it’s like I’m going into space or something. Each week I have to go to several doctors). Anyhow, the other dentist’s office was far away so I went to this one instead. Doktorka Neumannova, or as I now refer to her as Doktorka Dabel-ova (Dr.Devilova)

“Mmm, it is no good! You have bad here and this filling is very old and dirty.”
Was she saying my fillings are old and dirty? I didn’t know they had an expiry date.

“No, we must fix here. I will get anesthetics.” She turned in her swivel chair and started going through an old yellow cabinet. I was shocked! She had barely even looked at my teeth and was already reaching for a drill. Furthermore, I had begun to notice that the Dentist’s teeth were yellow with nasty black stuff in between each of her teeth – clearly a smoker who didn’t seem to take much care of her teeth. Still, she seemed nice – after all she was trying to speak to me in English and she was an older lady – maybe in her 50’s or 60’s. She was probably just confused.

“No, no, that’s okay. I don’t think that’s…” I was trying to figure out how to get out of this without being terribly rude. What was I going to say, ‘I don’t need that, I’m just fine, and remember I’m PREGNANT?!?’ I have read so many articles and books that say pregnant women should not have any kind of dental surgery unless absolutely necessary. Not to mention the fact that anesthetics can be harmful to the baby.

“What? Why not?” She asked. I just kind of stared at her trying to collect my words, when her nurse came to the rescue. In Czech her nurse tells her that I’m a teacher and that I probably have to go teach today. Saved!

“No, ano. Musim jit do prace.” (Yes, I must go to work) I say, which was definitely a lie. I don’t teach on Mondays, but I’ll be damned if this crooked toothed dentist was going to fill me with anesthetics and drill.

“Yo, aha!” She proclaimed with understanding, “So, you must come back when you no work and then we fix.”

“Yes, of course” I said, another lie. There was not way in hell I was ever coming back to this crazy dentist whose teeth look like they belong to a homeless person (no offense to homeless people).

She continued with her non-verbal disapproval of my teeth, which I couldn’t help but find so hypocritical. Had she ever looked at her own teeth in a mirror?

“No, but this one, we must fix today.” She said shaking her hand and taping one of my lower molars.

“Why? What’s wrong?” I said, as I started to get annoyed with this situation.

“No, it is very bad. We must fix, but it is okay – we don’t need anesthetics. You come back later for anesthetics.” She said.

Okay, I thought. Maybe she will just clean this one tooth and then I can be free to go, but I wanted to make sure. “Okay, but what is wrong with it? Why is it bad?” I asked.

“It is the, how do you say it, the plaque. Very bad plaque” Dr. Black-Yellowed-Teeth stated plainly. Fine, I thought to myself. Plaque I can deal with. Just scrape it off like you were supposed to do 10 minutes ago and get me the hell out of here.

“Okay, but no anesthetics and only this tooth?” I asked, slightly worried that I had asked too many questions in one sentence and momentarily thinking of trying to say it in Czech.

“Yes, only this tooth and no anesthetics.” She said as she started going through her tools.

“Okay” I say with relief and start to relax again.

“Open!” she commanded as she pulled a long tool attached to a cord out and immediately began doing something loud that didn’t sound anything at all like the sound of plaque being scraped off a tooth with metal. Suddenly a shooting pain went through my jaw and I winced so she stopped.

“No, ahh” she motions for me to spit. So, I spit in the little sink next to me, not really sure what’s going on. Suddenly I notice white paste in my spit. I wipe my mouth and notice more white paste – or was it white powder? Was it…my tooth? My tongue immediately goes to the “bad tooth” and feels a deep hole. I begin to shake. At that moment Dr. Drill-Baby-Drill gets a call on her mobile and takes it, saying as she walks away, “moment”. My shaking increases with incredible force. I have visions of my little puppy shaking like California when we try to get her to go for a walk outside. Oh my God, this crazy woman has just drilled a hole in my perfectly good tooth! I hear her laughing on her stupid phone in the other room. Tears well up in my eyes. I jump shakily out of my chair and run to my bag and search for my own phone. I realize I can’t just run away seeing as I have a gaping hole in my molar – where the hell am I supposed to go? I call my husband in a panic. As soon as he answers I say in near hysteria, “This crazy fucking dentist has just drilled a hole in my tooth. Can you please tell her in Czech to fix it, that she must put some kind of filling in and that I don’t want her to do anything else because I need to leave here now.”

“What, calm down honey. What happened? What’s going on?” he asks concerned.

“I don’t know, she’s crazy!” the tears start rolling out now, “Just tell her to fix it and to leave me alone!” At this point Dr. Black-Yellowed-Teeth returns and says, “ohh” as though I actually were my puppy shaking with fear. “Here she is!” I say hurriedly to Nick and hand her the phone without any explanation. The Doctor takes the phone hesitantly. Moments later she starts talking about anesthetics and I don’t know what in Czech. After a moment she gives the phone back to me.

“She says she needs to give you anesthetics to fill the hole, but that she can do it later and put like a paste in there now, until you can come back for the filling” Nick kindly explains.

“What?!? No, I don’t want anesthetics. I don’t want any of this. Can’t she fix it without the anesthetics? I didn’t want this!” I hand the phone back to the Dentist. Her and Nick talk for a longer time and I notice her voice getting louder and louder – clearly more agitated. Finally, she gave the phone back to me.

“Okay, so they are going to give you a paste. I’m really sorry. She said you could go to another Doctor for the filling.” Says Nick apologetically.

“Oh my God. Okay, thank you, I’ll call you later.” I hang up with him. The Doctor is now clearly pissed.

“I give you paste, see. You must come back for anesthetics for filling. I can’t do filling without anesthetic.” She almost yells as she forces my mouth open and starts putting some kind of clay into the hole in my tooth

I am no longer worried about being rude. “I never wanted a filling! I don’t want anesthetics! How long will this paste last? I can’t come back for anesthetics for a long time”. I say this because I can’t! I’m going to Germany next week and I had to wait a whole month just to get this appointment. I can’t decide which is worse – having this lunatic go ahead and fill this unnecessary hole or go for a month with a painful hole in my molar.

The doctor simply yells into the next room for some girl who apparently speaks English to translate. This bitchy looking skinny as a toothpick, bleached blond, leather high-heeled boots, short-skirt wearing whore comes in. The Dentist starts rattling off in Czech for her to explain to me everything that she has already told me. The whore starts explaining to me in English in a very snotty way what the doctor has just said, which I have already heard in English and understood in Czech, so I cut her off.

“I know, I understand, but how long can I wait until I get the filling? I’m going to Germany next week.”

“Then get it filled in Germany” the whore replies sarcastically.

“Great idea, but I don’t have health insurance in Germany” I say, unable to convey sarcasm in my shaky state, but still attempt to.

“Right” the whore replies, still trying to act superior.

At this point I’m completely fed up. “Plus, I have read that anesthetics are not safe for pregnant women. How can you give me anesthetics, don’t you know I’m pregnant?!”

The Dentist huffs, “What are you saying? Of course, all anesthetics are okay for pregnant woman!!”

For me, this is the last straw. I am so sick of these Czech doctors who don’t seem to know anything about what’s safe and what’s not safe for pregnant women. I realize that I’m not a doctor and the only knowledge I have comes from books and the internet, but I have read a number of research studies about what is safe and what isn’t for pregnant women. Even if I’m wrong, these Doctors shouldn’t act like I’ve said something profoundly stupid- they should at least have knowledge that such questions have been raised and studied and have an educated response, not huffing and acting shocked that I would think that anesthetics may not be the safest thing for the growing baby inside my womb!

In exasperation and probably with American superiority that I can’t help but feel at this moment I honestly ask, “I don’t understand! How can American Doctors be so different from Czech Doctors? How can American science be completely different from Czech science? It doesn’t make sense!” This is something I have asked myself, my husband and a number of others many times, because I don’t understand how science can be so different in different parts of the world. Where is globalization when I need it?!

At this point the dentist is very offended. She gets up and storms out of her office telling her nurse in Czech that she doesn’t have time to deal with this and to ask me to leave. The nurse doesn’t have to. I get up, still shaking and close to tears. The nurse gives me back my pregnancy booklet. I can see that they had actually written in my book and stamped it saying I was okay, but then had covered this place with white stickers. Wow. So professional.

I grabbed my things and left. It was horrible. This crazy woman had drilled a hole in my tooth! She hadn’t cleaned my teeth, hadn’t x-rayed them, hadn’t even looked at them for more than a few minutes before she decided to drill, baby, drill on my innocent tooth!

It’s been 12 hours since this incident. My tooth is aching more and more. Since I’m pregnant, my teeth are much more sensitive than normal (that’s part of the reason pregnant women aren’t supposed to have major work done on their teeth unless it’s absolutely necessary!!). Luckily, Nick has a good friend who is a brilliant, young, pearly white-toothed up and coming dentist who works in Brno and who will treat me/fix me there. Even he was shocked by this Dentist’s behavior and complete lack of knowledge. He told me to keep the tooth very clean and it shouldn’t fall out. I wish I could say he was joking when he said it, but he’s actually a pretty serious guy.

So, that’s my story. My day continued to suck with a few small highlights here and there, but this is an experience I will never forget. Right now I want to get the hell away from this country and I can’t even consider raising my children in this kind of environment. We will see…

Now I just keep hearing the one-armed man say in my head, “And that is why you don’t go to a dentist in the Czech Republic!”